Do people say that Karl and Anders were in love? For me, the attraction of that pairing is the tragedy of the almost-love, could-have-been-but-never-really-was dynamic.
I’m reblogging because it’s totally a bullshit excuse to pull an excerpt from my self-indulgent fic to use as a response:
We had a kinship, a friendship… which eventually became intimate. We were ‘lovers’, but that word calls to itself ideas that were perhaps more than what we were. We cared for each other. We had sex. But it wasn’t the same thing as being in love. Love is a luxury that one cannot afford while living in the Circle. It was torture enough having the Rite of Tranquility held over our own heads as an ultimatum. If they were to hold that over someone or something we loved… It was just too dangerous to fall in love. So, we had what we had.
It was convenient. It was hopeful. It was an escape. It was one tiny pleasure in a world of hopelessness and pain. It made us feel human, for just a little while. It didn’t keep me from bedding who or whatever I could every time I ran away from the circle, but each time I was caught and returned, I returned to Karl, too. I never asked him if he had anyone else, just as he never asked it of me. That tiny bit of freedom to choose who we gave ourselves to was something neither of us would ever infringe upon.
Hawke asked me once if I had been in love with Karl. I responded honestly and told him, ‘No.’ I don’t regret what we had, but I do wonder what might have been had we been allowed to act like normal people instead of dehumanized prisoners. What Hawke and I have… I wish Karl could have had that with someone.
Beautiful stuff. And so could be canon…sigh